SEEK

I believe in balance , for this while i have been keeping my anger , stress and emo feeling . I try not to trust myself anymore but i just cant , i sit in air cond everyday . i wanna sweat , i wanna roll i need that fucking destructive skateboarding lifestyle back , i need to gain back the black blue on my knee and fall down doing tricks over the 8 stairs , i wanna have my car back , fully step on the gas throttle and listen to the crying of an unbalanced engine with the sound of air passing the carb . i need to scream MAC*BAI fucking loud , i wanna sing with my broken lung until i hurt my vocal box and also , i need to have my twin 30 watts laney amp crank up and hit palm mute hard on my guitar . i need to do them seriously , i had enuf of so called " normal " lifestyle . i need to do them all at once , to balance back everything , and then . continue my breathing and enjoy the pulse on my vein . fuck , i seriously have to destroy something .

22 march 2011

I don not have great past , and also present . I will have good future . 

It was like 2-3 months back , when i travel with my sis and my bro back to alor star from kl . We were in my sister's kenari , and it was like night . When im expose to moonlight , i talk a lot .

My sis studying psychology , she like to ask very random question . Use me as her white mouse , try to read my mind ( she might testing me if my mental got prob or not ) . And she told me " the secrets " story , which i choose to believe it , fully . 

Most of them always worry about me , my car , my life , my health , everything they also worrry . Worry that my car will kill me on the road . worry that im living in a terible place , worry that im so skinny ( cant tahan my mum bought me the vitamin stuff , wanna vomit ) worry that why i don have gf yet and stuff . Appreciate that .

I am doing alright and fine . I am on the path , searching and wander around . 

I like to watch , listen , touch , taste , feel . I like to use my given ability . And , i use them to enjoy every little things around me . For example ,the every view of my sight , they are beautiful , the touch of my bed cloth when i lay on it , the 3rd cup of lipton tea which taste like 6% tea and 94 % plain water ( hey it still tea ) , the sound , tempo and tone that runs into my ears and also the smell of greeny plants around , i did put 3 cactus and a random plant in my room , they are just beautiful . Stress and negative mood of mine , i got my own way to release them .

Im enjoying my life , there is no need to worry about me .